That was the year that was, let's see what this year brings.

That was quite a year! In a nutshell it was the best and worst I’ve ever had. Now let’s expand that nutshell. I’ll tell you all about December, a tad bit of Jan and what I plan on doing this year.

I made an A3 sign that read LITTLE POO in big, black, block letters and waited at the Heathrow Arrivals gate for Berni. Lots of people smiled, laughed and commented when they walked past it before she came out. The first thing she said to me after not seeing me for nine months was “You b***h”.  We hugged, went home and rested and it was as if we’d never been apart. She wasn’t kidding when she said most of her luggage was stuff for me. ¾ of her suitcase was for me wether that be Christmas presents or random gifts and food. Thanks!!

As I missed her 25^th birthday, I bought her tickets to see The Phantom of the Opera on the West End here in London, so that’s what we did the day after she got here. Berni has been obsessed with the film and watching all the original stage play clips online for years now, bought the soundtrack and forced me to watch the film. She blasted the cd so loudly that I knew all the songs by heart without wanting to. I was so focused on Berni and looking forward to seeing her reactions during the play that it really surprised me how much I loved it. That was in the afternoon, and that night she came with me to my second work Christmas party. My first was for Hanwell a week earlier. It was so nice to get all dressed up, wear a smoking dress and have a good time with my colleagues who have turned into such great friends.

At the Isleworth party it was a lot more low-key, people seemed more relaxed and yeah we drank a lot. None of which hit me until I got into the uber coming home. There were drinks, more drinks, shots and shot-challenges featuring AUS vs. GB. Australia won, obviously. I had a great time and so did Berni. All my friends loved her, she loved them, naw.

For Christmas I bought Berni a warm-ass coat, a little painting and flights to Vienna for the Christmas markets!!! It was negative 6C for the entire 4 days, day and night. It snowed the first day we had there, it was absolutely beautiful. There were Christmas trees all over the city, and lights and decorations on buildings. It fell so light and stuck to our nose and eyelashes, just like the song said! There were markets all over the city; on maid roads, down side streets, in garden squares. That’s basically how we spent every day, in and out of every market in town, drinking all of the mulled wine. All of it, all of the flavours, with cream, without, with Jack Daniels, soooooo much mulled wine. We had breakfast every morning in a café that all the locals go to, having coffee and bagels. We saw all the sites, went to castles and in every single location we had mulled wine. I mean, come on, who wouldn’t. Morning. Early afternoon. Late afternoon. Night time. Because it was so cold!!! And delicious. And an excuse to drink but still look festive! We bought the little mugs as souvenirs. Nicole was meant to come with us but due to a break down in communication, she’d booked the wrong dates and went before us, coming home the day we got to Vienna. To make up for that we caught up in London over dinner and drinks and with the help of girl talk and two bottles of vino, us three girls all sorted through some life problems. Ah, the simple things. It’s just so much cheaper than therapy. We joked that it was Nicole’s birthday to the waiter “oh if you wanted to bring us free drinks because it’s her birthday hahaha” ah yeah, he lied to his manager so that he could give us FREE SHOTS!!! WHAT!!!

We did the adult thing and bought groceries to make our very own Christmas lunch. On Christmas eve we couldn’t watch Carols by Candlelight online but we were able to listen to it, it wasn’t the same but it was still good. At night we went to mass down the road at a Roman Catholic church, sang the carols we knew and stood there with a blank face during those we didn’t. The one year we could escape and we chose to go of our own volition. Afterwards, which was one of the selling points of going to this midnight mass, we went to the adjoining hall for mince pies and MULLED FRIKKEN WINE!!! Hahaha it never ends! We went home and Skyped the parents because it was their Christmas morning. We watched them open their presents because it’s tradition. And we wished Nahla a Merry Christmas too.

When we woke up (well I woke up first and then bugged Berni for an hour before she got up) we Skyped Mum and Pa again so they could watch us open our presents. Then we roasted our own turkey, cooked all the trimmings, we made our lasagne, Berni had made tiramisu. It was part traditional English and part traditional our-family Christmas. We ate soooo much, and most of it was kept as leftovers. We had a friend over in the afternoon and watched AS IS TRADITION National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (after I had passed out on the couch for an hour with a food coma). I then had to work from 1900-0200. No spectacular jobs, but my crewmate did get me a present and I shared with him a few chocolate and biscuit treats I had.

Berni had some friends of hers in town so we caught up with them a few times. We went out for dinner and then out to a bar and danced for hours and hours and didn’t get home until 3am.

I took Berni on a few day trips seeing as she’s seen and done all the big London things so we hopped in my car and hit the M4. That’s a freeway. She’s always wanted to go to Bath so that’s where we went first, driving along, letting her see the countryside and listening to music on BBC1 because that’s all that will work the further out you get without scanning the radio for rural stations. We went into the old Roman Baths and saw the circus (circular street), Royal Crescent and the River Avon. I took her for a surprise road trip to a teeny tiny town in the middle of nowhere, where the roads are so small you need to reverse into a gap in the hedges to let the oncoming car through. Or the oncoming horse. I took her to Turville, the English country village where they filmed the show The Vicar of Dibley. We have loved this show since 1994 and I just had to take her. You should’ve seen her face! We went into the church, saw the house and the little street where Harry lived. We had lunch in the pub and then headed home. There really wasn’t anything else to do there.

I think it was the next day, we wanted a relaxed day so I drove Berni 20 minutes down the road to a neighbouring suburb to see a football ground, a park with a bandstand and then a row of houses with a patch of grass in the middle of the court. That’s right. I took her to see the filming locations from Bend it Like Beckham! She loved it. I loved it!

We’d caught up with Nicole at Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park. Every year they do it up with rides and markets and activities. I was expecting more markets and food and little places to wander all festive and things but really it was predominantly rides and games like a theme park. Berni convinced us to go onto a rollercoaster and it was amazing, it was called Looping. There were a few. A lot of drops as well. Oh and we had 3 mugs of mulled wine each that night as well.

Danny arrived on NYE! He spent Christmas in Melb with the family and then came here and we loved every second with him. We had a couple of drinks at home, and he tried Berni’s tiramisu and said “it tastes like home”. The best compliment you could give, in my opinion. And god it was. It was gooooood. I’m going to have to try to make it one day to prepare for next Christmas when she won’t be here and I’ll have to eat my own creation. We then went to meet Berni’s friends in their BnB in Kensington before heading into town. We’d bought tickets to see the fireworks. You had to buy tickets to get into specified viewing points along the Thames and they’d blocked off so much of the city that you really did need tickets to see anything. Well worth it. Ok, so we were in line waiting to get past security for hours. We got into town at a reasonable hour I’d thought (9) but the queues were insane, by the time we showed our tickets, Big Benny himself was showing 22:50. WHAT!!! It was crazy. A few of us * cough * Danny * cough * didn’t pee earlier so had to go find one now. We had such a great spot! Under Benny right on the water next to Westminster Bridge and straight across from the Eye, where they had the fireworks!!!! So! One of Berni’s friends had bought 2017 hats and headbands from Kmart before coming over and a lady in the crowd from some radio station here I’d never heard of wanted to interview us. I’d had quite a bit to drink by the time she eventually made her way back so I can’t exactly remember every word, but I basically introduced myself, said we’d been in line for hours but it was well worth it. All while Berni and another girl were blowing on their party popper things making so much damn noise. Danny filmed the whole thing laughing his head off. Yeah, I hope no one actually heard that interview. The fireworks were amazing, they came off of the Eye and the sky looked beautiful for a few minutes. They played Auld Lang Syne. We sang along. We did not sing the right lyrics. Or for the most part sing any actual lyrics at all and just hummed or mumbled. This is what we should have sung whilst hugging each other and dancing in a circle:

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,

And never brought to mind?

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,

And days of auld lang syne?

And days of auld lang syne, my dear,

And days of auld lang syne.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,

And days of auld lang syne?

We twa hae run aboot the braes

And pu'd the gowans fine.

We've wandered mony a weary foot,

Sin' auld lang syne.

Sin' auld lang syne, my dear,

Sin' auld lang syne,

We've wandered mony a weary foot,

Sin' auld ang syne.

We twa hae sported i' the burn,

From morning sun till dine,

But seas between us braid hae roared

Sin' auld lang syne.

Sin' auld lang syne, my dear,

Sin' auld lang syne.

But seas between us braid hae roared

Sin' auld lang syne.

And ther's a hand, my trusty friend,

And gie's a hand o' thine;

We'll tak' a cup o' kindness yet,

For auld lang syne.

For auld lang syne, my dear,

For auld lang syne,

We'll tak' a cup o' kindness yet,

For auld lang syne.

I’ll try to learn them for next NYE. Hahaha yeah right.

And then all the alcohol I’d had decided to hit me all at once. After the fireworks it all becomes a bit hazy and Berni and Danny had to help me home. Egh my bad.

The first day of 2017 was perfect. We had a lazy morning (I was recovering and the other’s were just tired) followed by coffee in a really cute café near mine that reminded us of something Westgarth has back home. We walked around for a little bit and Danny took photos of the side streets and the flats there. I’ve completely lost all interest in them, the novelty of seeing the Victorian and Edwardian style flats had worn off months ago for me. I just think about all the silly billies that decide to get sick on the top floor, making us carry them all the way down. Get sick on the ground floor! Hahaha how rude of them. Anyway, then we ended our night in the best way possible, at the pub near my place. It sits right on the Thames and as it was a Sunday, as is custom here all pubs have a Sunday Roast, so that’s what we had. We all scoffed it down then went home to bed.

Day 2 was a big one indeed! Danny had never been to the UK before so we wanted to show him the city. We went to London Bridge, then climbed Monument, walked along the river to the Tower of London, walked across Tower Bridge to the south side. There they had more Christmas markets so, no we didn’t have mulled wine but Danny had mulled cider. We walked back across to Waterloo where the Borough Markets are but they weren’t running that day so we stopped to have mulled wine (giggle, giggle, yes we did) and passed right through. We walked west along to The Eye, over Westminster Bridge to Parliament and Benny again. Around to Westminster Abbey, to the pub for another classic English dish. Fish and Chips. It’s big here. Ah then through St. James Park to Buckingham Palace, down Pall Mall to Trafalgar Square, up to Leicester Square, past M&M World to Piccadilly Circus. Down Regent Street, into Hamleys, down Oxford Street to Hyde Park and Winter Wonderland. We had a booking for ice skating there. It was Berni’s first time, I’d done it once before and Danny a few. It was fantastic! So pretty. And I had THE most spectacular fall. Danny had gone off the ice because the cheap rentable shoes were squeezing his feet to buggery so it was just me and Berni left of our little group of three. I’m skating ahead, do a nice little turn to the left, then as I turn to the right, my skate catches on some loose ice, I stumble, try to correct the turn, flail, step step step, more flailing, think I’ve done it but no, I spin 180 degrees , arms up and superman land on my stomach. Thank god my coat had tonnes of padding, I didn’t feel a thing. I look because I know, I just know… yep she saw. Here she comes skating up to me pissing herself laughing. Yeah.  

Ok ok what else is there? Oh yeah so Berni and I took Danny to the Borough market on the Friday before they left and we spent a bit of moolah on cheese. It was great cheese. A kind that only a handful of farms still make in Britain. And some goat’s cheese and flaxseed bars low in GI for work, presents for the fam back home and sampled some of the coffee everyone in London claims is amazing. Yeah it was. Holy poop, I need to go back and get some more. Everyone, it’s the Columbian Coffee Co. That’s where it’s at. We regretted eating lunch when we ‘taste tested’ the samples of cheese 10 minutes later though but that’s why we spent so much money, so we could take it all home to eat it. We rushed over to Baker street, to number 221B and had a look around in the store there because it cost 15pounds to get into the museum! And plus we had somewhere more important to be. That’s right. We had to go home to change into something decent because we were off to a secret bar. I’m not going to tell you the name of it or where it is, only that you need to be in cahoots with those in the know. Once you book a table they email you with the code word to say to the guy who just stands in the middle of a random street, in regular clothes, you just need to know that that is the person you need to talk to. We walked up to him, he asked us what we were doing around there so I said that we were there to see the Captain, he passed the message on and we were showed through a door towards the Underground, downstairs into a 1940s themed bar set up like the London Underground post war. Cocktails galore, nibbles and lovely music.

After our drinks we went out for dinner at a salsa bar and all had a dance. Not surprisingly I have no coordination and thanked the lord when Em wanted to go sit down as she was hot and tired, I just had enough of looking like an idiot. We drank more and more margaritas, tried to get Danny drunk by spiking his drink with a tequila shot but to no success, he just got mildly tipsy and bopped a bit on the d-floor. None of the pole dancing we were hoping for. Nicole met up with us once she’d finished work and we all went out for more drinks and dancing and we didn’t get back until 3am. I think. Thank goodness for the night bus. City to home in under an hr for only 1.50 quid.

The next day we had a lie in, ate cheese and fruit and then made our way to Heathrow to say goodbye to Berni. I bought her some snacks for the plane (pringles, chewwies, Haribo bears and mints) and Em bought her some trashy mags. The essentials, obviously. She showed her ticket and passed through the gate and I didn’t even cry. Not one tear! Look at me maturing. That’s a sign!

Em, Danny and I went back home, straight to the pub around the corner from my place for dinner and there was a white husky-cross sitting at a table next to a spare one. I sat down next to the puppy (7 MONTH OLD PUPPY!!!!!) called Leo. It was still too early after tea to go to bed so Danny came back to mine, we watched a film, ate a crap load of dessert and then went to bed.

Danny and Em both said their flights left from Heathrow Terminal 2 around 8am so that’s where we went at 5am. Em checked in to her flight to Morocco just fine but Danny couldn’t access his. He sought help at a desk and then realised he’d made a really silly mistake. He didn’t read the part on his e-ticket that read LGW, as in London Gatwick. WRONG AIRPORT!!!!! Lucky we were really early. He bought a ticket for the shuttle bus and still got to the correct airport early. We hugged and waved and I said goodbye and then I went home. I didn’t even nap (should have). I watched the latest episode of Sherlock instead(can’t believe what happened, shock horror, poor Watson).

So now I’m back into the swing of things, nearly everything is back to normal. The silly season is all packed away in a bag in the cupboard where the washing machine is, the fridge is clear of leftovers, the freezer doesn’t have frozen desserts in it, and aside from the packets of Mint Slices, Tim Tams and BBQ shapes Berni brought me over, there is no junk food in the house. Yesterday I walked to the gym, went to my yoga class and bought veggies on the way home, made two types of soup and for lunch I had avosmash. Followed closely by 5 Tim Tams and coffee. But hey, it’s all about small lifestyle changes that I can maintain over a long period of time. Plus once they run out I can’t buy anymore and I miss them!!!!

So I should let y’all know now that I’m coming to visit in March. AND THE CROUD GOES WILD!!! I can hear trumpets sounding and drums announcing my arrival into Australia. Women fall to their knees and throw rose petals on the floor in front of my feet. Men take off their shirts and wave them around in the air. Kids giggle and run along with me. It shall be a joyous month for all. So I’ll be getting in on the 9^th if my calculation is correct, or thereabouts. Just give me a day or two to adjust to the right time and I’ll be ready to see you.

I’ll try to get around to you all but there are lots of you and one of me so I may just have to do the whole ‘BBQ at mine, BYO everything” and I’ll supply the ‘Me’.

I’m leaving April 3^rd and when I get back my roster goes back to relief shifts so nothing stable. Which means it’ll be hard to plan holidays. This year I’m going to hike Norway with my Camino sister Alex and I’d like to do Vietnam. If terrorism wasn’t so inconvenient to my travel plans I’d be going to Turkey but those pesky little people are in my way for the time being. How rude.

I think that’s all for now. I’ll write another in a month’s time with the lead up to my visit back to Melb and how work is going. The forcast for the next two months is night shifts pretty much every weekend. Awesome.

Cheerio, TTFN.