I Came From A Land Down Under

I would like to begin this post by saying I love Vitamin D.

I want to marry it, swim in it, drink it, roll around in a field of wild daisies on the sunniest of days with a slight breeze singing I Believe in a Thing Called Love by The Darkness.

Before I left to go home for a month I was trying to write a blog entry but honestly to summarise, it was a page of whining about how it was cold and grey and miserable in London in winter after the Christmas Season. And it is, and S.A.D. is a real thing here but I didn’t think you’d all want to hear about that so I held off. Look, just Google it. 

I wanted to surprise my parents, they knew I was coming home but I told them a day later than what I had booked. Berni knew, obviously, she had to find a way to get me home without it looking suspicious, and a select few others. And what a surprise, I don’t think my dad has ever had nothing to say, he just stood there smiling at me. Nahla went mad with joy, thank you baby girl, I love you too, and Mother Dearest froze.

I spent a week catching up with family and close friends. It did feel a bit strange coming back, going ‘home’ for a holiday took a while to get used to. I loved the simplicity of sitting at a hipster café sipping the most ridiculous looking iced coffee (with spheres of ice and everything in separate jugs) with good friends just talking crap. Oh and it was sunny at hot every day. I think I came down with a bit of heat stress, because I wasn’t used to 30C. That was probably the only day I spent on the couch doing nothing, and it was amazing.

Donuts are still a big thing in Melbourne, they just go mad for the things. They’re big, elaborate, expensive and just tasty diabetes and they threw a Donut Fest in their honour. That was a long, hot day waiting in the sun for dough, but I loved it because I spent it with Berni.

She just started a new job the day before I arrived in Melbourne, which she was a tad disappointed about, just because of the timing, but I wouldn’t have wanted her to delay her start day just for me. Make a good impression Berni, work really, really hard and get a good reference at the end. I know you love it. I’m not going to pretend I know exactly what you do (it’s like how no one really knows what Chandler did on Friends) but you are so excited for it so I’m happy. So every evening and weekend was spent with her, doing regular things, not-so-special things and different things and I spent every night sleeping with her in her bed.

The reason I went home in March is two-fold; one, it was 12 months since I saw everyone and two, it was my birthday and I wanted presents. I did make this clear before I went, that I wanted gifts and that I wasn’t going to bring much with me to make more room for bringing them all back with me. I was so spoilt, I love everything, especially what I got from my parents and Berni.

I caught up with friends who are working for Ambulance Victoria and we compared stories of our working lives, our rotas and jobs and rest days and I realised how hard I am worked over here. I’m going to love working for AV when I get home, it’ll be a fun, new challenge with lots more trauma but for now, this is where I’m meant to be and I absolutely love it. It’s the people that make this job what it is. The staff are like family and the best friends I’ve ever had.

A highlight for me was seeing my three girls Amanda, Jess and Dani. We met in 2012 and haven’t all been together in the same room since but we were laughing and joking and story telling like it was yesterday. We’ve all had massive life changing experiences and I know we’re all that much stronger for it. Their love and support means so much to me and I’m very grateful, thank you. Plus, I can’t remember ever laughing that much til it hurts and solving world problems after a couple of rum cocktails.

Oh, I have tattoos now! To match those two other piercings I had done a few months ago, whoa what a rebel. Berni and I have wanted to get something for a few years now, to connect us despite the distance. The idea of ‘xo’ has stayed with us, popping up every now and then so we took it as a sign and had it stamped on our skin for good. I love that I have something that I can look at every single day for the rest of my life and think of you, little poop. Now, Mum has been 100% totally and completely AGAINST tattoos for as long as I’ve known her. The only time she thought they could be even remotely cute was an episode of 7^th Heaven, when the Reverend and his wife both lowered the hip of their jeans to show one with a teeny tiny cross and the other having a teeny tiny heart. But she still didn’t want one. Not until she saw Berni’s and mine. Then she went and got a little ‘xo’ herself.  

I also now have a tattoo on my ankle of a scallop shell, the symbol of the peregrino that walks the Camino. It wasn’t even 1 week into the pilgrimage that I decided I wanted the shell inked on my skin and by the end of my journey I knew I’d never regret it. Part of me will always be on that path, in Spain and France, walking away my troubles and gaining a better sense of self, and now part of that land will forever be with me.

It was lovely spending all that time with Tori who made the journey over the pond from The Shire, and she came for my birthday, thank you.

I think I managed to get around to seeing most people. It wasn’t easy with Berni only being free weeknights and weekends and I tried to save all that time for her, and lots of people were busy themselves. I was glad to see all your lives going well, every one moving forward and taking on new challenges.

I am now drinking rum, and have been for a while now but I have a new favourite. And it’s not the cheapest bottle. I’m going to have to do an overtime shift to justify buying one. But it is glorious and goes down so well.

Geeze, I’m sorry I don’t have enough to say. So many things happened while I was away (or ‘back’ depending on how you see it) and now that I’m ‘home’? (I guess, who knows) things have picked up right where they were but I feel better, happier, lighter. I’m going to pin in all on the Vitamin D. Yeah yeah and seeing all you lot as well.  If home is where the heart is, then I have two homes. I’m ripped in two and I don’t mind in the slightest.

Since being back I’ve worked 8 night shifts and 2 days. I don’t eat well on nights, and I hadn’t been working out so I felt it. I was in such a rut this past week and it only occurred to me today why I felt that way. As well as this physical low, I’d also had a tough job last week. I put a story behind the patient, I found out about who he was and what he had done that night instead of leaving it as just a person on the ground. A silly little accident that could happen to absolutely anyone happened to someone so much like myself and it didn’t have a happy ending. I didn’t do anything for him, I wasn’t the first there, but no one could have done anything. I didn’t see his face, I didn’t want that image to haunt me forever. I’ve subconsciously been punishing myself for not traveling as much as I could or going into town enough and now I know why. I pictured myself as that guy. Gone too soon. I have a friend to thank for this realisation. We had a long chat and rode our bikes today around Richmond Park in the sun and I felt light and free and at peace. I’ve even been hitting the gym and going for runs and I am feeling incredible. I have a few holidays planned for this year and a few bucket list items I want to tick off so stay tuned.

I’m on relief again so I’m sent to different stations around the area every now and then, the next two days I’ll be in North Kensington, a half hour drive from mine so I’ll have to leave home at 5am. At least they’re 12hr shifts, I don’t mind if it’s a full day but anything shorter feels like a waste of time.

Now that I know people actually read this blog, more than just my dad anyway, I’ll write more often.

So until next time, remember to live life to the fullest, get off that couch, get out of bed, put your shoes on and just get out. Don’t compare your life to others’ because you’ll always be disappointed and lacking in some way (a certain red head reminded me of that this week). And remember, no hat, no play. 

Xoxo